Words of Mine



Words of Mine


Waxing moon in Gemini > Cancer - 11:15 a.m.

1st day of lunar cycle

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger."

-- Albert Camus


What I want to know is who is Albert Camus? And, is he alive or dead?

Today's focus is on joy and a good focus for the first day of the lunar cycle.

However, I did not feel joy until much later in the afternoon and I'm not sure it was joy. I had a rough night with having gone for my physical therapy and usually, this night being no different, I'm fairly sore and have to take my heavy duty muscle relaxers to ease the muscles and help me to sleep.

At some point my sinus drainage began and I got to coughing to the point it woke me up. Michael, who was still up, got me my nose stuff which usually works but didn't and then my cough syrup when did and back to sleep I went coughless.

Except this morning the alarm went off, I shut it off and went back to sleep. Ugh! I hate oversleeping, as it means a rush around morning. Plus, I woke up with a headache. I considered staying home but I took my medication and figured the headache would be gone in no time.

Because of the medication, I took the bus into work and I slept the majority of the way into town. This was very weird for me and a little scary. Being asleep in a bus with people I don't know. Did I snore? Did I sleep with my mouth open or even drooling? No one said anything when they returned to the bus or maybe they are too polite.

My headache stuck to me like bees to honey until after lunch when I took some Tylenol and that eased the discomfort. Then I was able to say I had joy from not feeling the headache.

But joy. I feel joy when I'm with Michael.

I feel joy when I'm reading or writing.

Even when I'm collaging, drawing, coloring or painting.

But, I can't say I feel joy when I'm working or doing those things that aren't that much fun to be doing.

Joy is easy when we like what we do but I feel I want to cultivate joy when I'm doing the things I'd rather not be doing.

I know I feel good (joy) when I've gotten my kitchen cleaned up after dinner or the load of wash done and we don't have to worry about not having clean clothes for the next day.

I can't say I feel joy when I'm doing work that is expected of me and I have deadlines. Feeling joy in the process is what I strive for. Not so much as when the job is done. I know we all can relate with that. "Ah, it's done and I don't have to think about it any more." But did we enjoy the process?

This is what I have to pay closer attention to. How about you? What is the old adage? "It's not the destination but the getting there that counts."

Today, is the first day of the new lunar cycle. It's when I like to take time and make my wishes. My prompt today was Boulevard of Dreams. My dreams for this cycle would be:

1. To write here every day.

2. To be artistically creative more than once a week.

3. To bring my spiritual life into my daily life more often.

4. To show Michael how much I love him everyday.

5. To eat healthfully during this cycle.

6. To write my family more frequently than I have.

What is on your boulevard of dreams?

8:47 p.m. - 2002-06-11


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