Words of Mine


The Cycle of Life Turns Again

Waxing moon in Cancer > Leo - 12:08 a.m.
First day of lunar cycle

"Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks."
--Simonides (B.C. 556?-468?)

The Cycle of Life Turns Again

Here I was all set to write an entry last night and the words wouldn't come. Even when I tried writing in my paper journal. This is the problem when I don't write every day. My self doubts crop up that I have nothing of value to say and will look like an idiot.

The other side to this coin is that we've been in the three days of the Dark Moon cycle. Ever since the waning half moon, I've curtailed my activities to that of what I need to do only, i.e. work, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments. This is a time for inner reflection. Because I'm sensitive to the energies at this time, I feel these last three days are time to just be. Be with myself and not reach out to the outer world.

I say this because this morning I feel like writing and have something to say.

Today I took the Magickal Blue truck, otherwise known as Blue. I have a doctor's appointment at 4 p.m. and therefore need to leave early. What's neat about this is riding through the Valley of the Seven Sisters. It's agricultural land with hills on each side. This morning the fog is thick, down to the ground. It's more of a morning to be tramping through the hills than riding to work. As I get closer the city, the fog rises and sits at tree top level. Still there is a mystical quality to the morning that is not conducive to work.

In reading yesterday's paper about the research conducted on hormone replacement therapy, all I can say is duh!

What did women do prior to hrt? I've done lots of reading and research and I still come back to, there's a reason why our bodies change. It's called becoming a crone or elder if you prefer that term. It's part of the cycle. You didn't take drugs when going through puberty, why would you take drugs going through menopause?

I began having symptoms when I was 35. When I asked the doctor about it, his or her reply was I was too young. They could not give me any answers to why I was having these symptoms and I was healthy to boot. Then in my later 40s the symptoms became more pronounced and I began using herbs and eating better. But no relief.

The hot flashes or power surges, although very uncomfortable at times, I could deal with these. What did me in was not sleeping at night due to night sweats. Sleep I cannot do without and I was becoming quite cranky. Finally, I went to the doctor's, they did the tests and gee, guess what? I'm menopausal, not peri-menopausal but right in the thick of menopause. Because the natural ways were not working for me, I said okay to hrt.

With trying a couple of different methods, I'm taking pills for progesterone and estrogen but in the lowest dosage available and every couple of days. What I have wanted all along is to do is minimize the discomfort but not make it go away. I want to enjoy this time of my life.

I'm not embarrassed by it. I am uncomfortable at times and maybe even a little grumpy. But with the fact I didn't celebrate and enjoy puberty and motherhood, I want to be totally present during this time of my life.

I want to help my body to do what it needs to do naturally. I will talk to my doctor and hear what he/she has to say and then I will listen to my body. The doctors have not lived with me for 45+ years. They may have the knowledge but my body knows better.

I encourage every woman and man to read up on menopause. Find out all you can and then make informed decisions. Don't just hand your life over to your doctor. Remember, he/she is still practicing.

1:49 p.m. - 2002-07-11


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